Why We Avoid Difficult Tasks

In the last blog post, I discussed standing side stage feeling nervous before an entrance onto the stage, which is a given when performing. As I have discussed, this experience is part and parcel of a performer’s job. However, accepting this nervous state and understanding how it relates to many parts of our lives, both work and personal, is what I want to explore.

People who choose to go on stage choose to put themselves in positions of unease, and these moments of being nervous and vulnerable are actually building a resource. Exposing oneself to an environment of uncertainty is, in fact, a great way to build the capacity to repeat that discomfort more often. This type of state is called eustress and has a positive impact because of our relationship to it, and it is different from distress, which can have the opposite effect. Just as exposure therapy can help people reduce their anxiety about flying, snakes, or tight spaces, the same applies to simple social acts that we perform each day.

Going to a networking event, talking on the phone, and presenting to colleagues or clients are activities that often push us out of our comfort zones, producing anxiety. Simply because it matters to us how we are perceived by others, or more accurately, how we perceive we are being perceived.

Enter the World of Metacognition.

Metacognition can be, and has been, defined in a host of different ways, and the way I like to think about it is what Chat GPT spat out when I asked for an explanation for a 12-year-old …it’s like having a coach inside your head who helps you to understand how to learn and solve problems. A little like the Disney take on how we operate internally in the Inside Out films. It is the way that we notice and attend to our own cognitive processes, which, when we are aware of and regulate, can be positively powerful. When we are not aware, it can ramp up the downward spiral into real anxiety.

Meta-worry or metacognitive-worry is worrying about worry. For example, I have to make a phone call, I don’t like the way that makes me feel, I become worried about the horrible feeling of making the call (not the call itself), which blocks me from picking up the phone to avoid feeling uneasy. This is the bit we need to understand in order to address it. Thinking about the uneasy feeling of a phone call, presentation, networking event, or, God forbid, an interview can be managed by accepting and letting ourselves be in that position, side stage, waiting for the cue to make our entrance.

The more we do it, the more we know it, expect it, and can create an approach for it. This forms eustress, situations of stress we undertake and grow as a result. In the arts, this happens not only with performing but through the process as well. Everyone can relate to having drawn a picture, looked at it, and cringed about one’s own effort. Our self-evaluations are opportunities to grow by understanding the cognitive process, accepting inevitable feelings, and not letting it stop us but being constructive about next steps. The worst part about being a dancer was seeing myself on camera, I struggled with it but it was important so that I could improve. If I only understood the process of metacognition then.

We build the capacity to be a bit squeamish, and then a bit more, and a bit more. Incremental change is a powerful thing, and I relate to this analogy: doing the same thing every day (1.00)365 = 1.00 - there is no progress, but adding 1% of capacity every day (1.01)365 = 37.8 - which is a long way from 1.00. Go two years of 1% daily (or to the power of 730), and you are at 1427.6!

The power of consistent incremental steps builds a powerful resource over time. Changing distress into eustress does require effort, making connections, and an understanding of how we think. We need to become our own coach and understand how to learn and solve problems.

Distress to Eustress.

Worry is an important natural reaction we have to protect ourselves. By worrying, we become aware of things that are discomforting or present danger to ourselves, leading us to take action. From an evolutionary perspective, this is handy for survival. We are hardwired to do this.

Thinking about the worry can swing us in one of two directions. Meta-worry or worry about the worry is unhelpful. Accepting that I will be worried or nervous and being okay with that supports growth. Therefore, awareness of my cognitive processes and knowing what my brain will do in certain situations, allowing for expected thoughts, I can, in turn, regulate.

How do we make a shift from distress to eustress? Jonah Oliver, an Australian Psychologist, talks about how we need to connect it to meaning in our lives, what is important to us or our values. For me, having a conversation that I don’t want, on the phone or in person, I think about how it is building my desire to be an authentic version of myself. I get so nervous before awkward conversations because I still want to be liked even if I have to engage in uncomfortable information or questions. I need to tell myself that my beliefs and often facts (reasons why I am engaging in the conversation) represent my true authentic self, and I need to put this above being liked. It is hard, but I value being my authentic, compassionate self, so I am prepared to put myself in that position.

The metacognitive process, or my self-coaching, goes from…

Why do I have to do this?
I certainly don’t want to.
Ah, I recognise these thoughts.
I will have this conversation because it is important to me to present my own beliefs and opinion.
Use a strategy: writing facts and my standpoint.
Wait and digest (can be 5 minutes or a day).
Engage.
Relief.
Reflect (usually a lot easier than expected).

This has so many applications in business. From client relationships, internal communication, feedback systems, intrinsic motivation for the work we do, and connecting us to our colleagues. Just as Simon Sinek challenges businesses to start with why, he does also with individuals, and the science supports it.

Connecting to what matters to us supports our ability to undertake stress. Going on stage and performing was, at a time, so important to me that I was willing to be nervous to get in front of an audience. What’s important to you?